The Kim Kardashian App is Ruining my Life.

This will most likely be the post that I am most ashamed about. First off, the title has a Kardashian name in it and it's not even making fun of them! You know that it is going to be bad already. So as many of you may know Kim K has an app, well two now actually. She has Kimoji which is a $3 emoji app, now you can send all of your friends your emotions through small pictures of Kim, and then after that you won't have any because your friends will realize that you just spent $3 on those and they will see what trash you are and ditch you. And no, surprisingly I am not speaking from personal experience.

Who would actually pay real money for this?!?!

And then there is Kim Kardashian Hollywood. This is the source of my dismay.

So for those of you that don't know of this masterpiece/atrocity that is this "game," let me explain. This game is one of those games that will either suck up all of your time or all of your money or maybe even both. It has an energy system that takes real time to refill. So anytime you want to do anything, you have use your energy. So after you run out you have three options: you can buy for energy, this one is the one that I have never done, ever. Because it's not like you play with your in-game money, no you have to buy them, with real world $$$. Like Kim needs and more money. So in short, I haven't done this and I never will. Next way is by jut waiting. Yeah it's tedious and boring but this is way better to me than spending the money on it. It doesn't really take that long, about 6 mins per energy. And the third and my personal favorite, hitting stuff. Yes I know that sounds odd but it really is the most effective method that does not involve emptying your wallet to the soulless fame suckers that are the Kardashians. There are a few things in each of the places you can go that you can tap every few minutes and there is a chance that energy will pop out, if not you'll get like two bucks. So I pretty much just go around the whole world and tap of shit and hope I get energy.

Now the one problem is that it costs money to fly places or ever drive places, shocking. So first thing you need to do is buy a car. I dropped about 20k on a Kim K brand Range Rover wanna be. Now I am able to travel to all 5 places in SoCal because I am incapable to driving a few hours to places like San Fran and Sacramento. Then if you are like me and really are dedicated to the tap everything method then you will also want to travel around to other states or even countries to find that energy. But traveling all the time will really bust your budget, now it may not be as expensive as real flights but with the small mount of money that you have at all times it can be pretty hard, so you need to save up those K Stars. K Stars is the exclusive type of currency that you only get for completing certain goals or getting 5-Sar ratings on jobs and events. You are going to need 120 of them, which is not easy, in order to really be able to play the game. It took me about a month maybe to save all of them up, that is a testament of how much time I put into this game. And with those 120 K-Stars I bought myself my very own privet jet. Now I can travel to all of my favorite (pre determined by the game and my level) destination for free. Now I can tap stuff as much as I please and it saves me a small fortune so that is nice.

Now I haven't really explained what the basis of the game is so I'll tell you now. It is basically to become famous by being in association with already famous people. Hmmm... sounds awfully familiar. Okay so if you didn't pick up on what I was insinuating in that last sentence that is basically the same way Kim became famous, she was friends with Paris Hilton back in the early 2000s.

It is pretty hard to beleive that there was a time when Kim 

wasn't at the top of the bitch tower.

Well I mean she really became famous after she released that sex tape, but I am still waiting for that to be one of the quests in the game. But essentially I started out working at this boutique in Downtown LA and then suddenly Kim walks into my store and is all like, "I need a new dress!" So I pick out a dress for her and the when she tries to pay for it I tell her it's on me. WHAT?!?!?!?!?! I didn't have a choice in that and when I read it I almost cried because it's not like Kim could't have bought that dress she is loaded af! So then she is like, "Hey you're pretty cool stranger I just met and don't know anything about, wanna come to some event with me?" So naturally I say yes so then I roll up to this event and this guy tries to get with me cause I am with Kim but I shut him down like a boss. Then after it is over, I walk outside and and this bitch named Willow Pape is all like, "I heard you were trying to get with my ex. I will end you."

You're calling me #ratchet? Have you looked in a merrier? Push bitch.

So now I have my celebrity rival. The rest of the game is just me going to dinner or lunch or a magazine cover and just showing up to things and gaining fans for really not doing anything.

After about a month of playing the game I climbed my way from E list to A list. Willow tried to destroy me but she never succeeded. She still tries to compete with me and she is still on the C list, ha. I git married during my month climb from the bottom and I have to say, worst decision I ever made. Not only did I have to spend like $35,000 but also 5 K-Stars. Sure I gained a ton of fans but now my manager and publicist are always calling me about doing things with my husband that have a time limit on them and it is sooooo annoying. So really regret that.

I have also met many notable people in my climb to fame. Kris, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, Kylie, and... Nene Leakes from Real Housewives of Atlanta? I don't know what that is all about but she sure is in the game and is apparently a "great friend" of Kim.

This is just odd to me.

And I think the worst part of this game is that I don't understand why I love it so much. I seriously have no interest in being famous but I can't put the game down! Maybe it's because of Willow. I am really good at holding grudges and she through down the gauntlet so I will retaliate. I will not stop until I watch Willow burn under a liposuction scandal in Star Magazine!

Basically don't play this game unless you you wanna end up like me: crazy.

So now I shall say good buy because I have to go check to see if I have enough energy to do a gig.

So from Nathaniel (my husband) and me, see ya later.

p.s.

From the picture above you can see that I have about $21k and I have about 20 million fans. WTF I am famous I should have waaaaay more money than that!